ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
im six kinds of drunk right now
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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