i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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