"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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