i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
