I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
