??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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