it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
