if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
