kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
