Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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