I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
