Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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