yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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