i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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