Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
