don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Who wears a wallet chain?!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
