the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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