I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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