maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
