The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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