then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
