If i come over, it means nothing
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
