i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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