I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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