holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
