i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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