i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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