Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
