what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
