at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am one with the molecules
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
