it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
