I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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