Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
