did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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