we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
