I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm sobbing to NWA
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
