good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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