just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
