apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
