My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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