some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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