So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
