I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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