JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
