Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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