dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Randomize
