I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm always down for nudity.
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