she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
