I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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