I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
