I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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