I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
