you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
