i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
