SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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