my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
