And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
