I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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