I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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