There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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