Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
