I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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