'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
