Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
