Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
