just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
