Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
