I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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