I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
