Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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