when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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