They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
