Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
