tonight lets celebrate not being married
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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